cuteobsessed | Appointments and Messages

[It's been a week since they both returned from the draft and that incomparable experience of being trapped on a boat. Needless to say, Sannan had to spend a fair bit of time readjusting to the feeling of solid ground underneath his feet.

Among other things.

He thinks he did alright out there. No sudden, crippling breakdowns, no...well, there were a few times where he came close, but somehow, he managed to pull through and most importantly not lose it in front of the men. Which is really the most important thing.

At the moment, he's standing before Heisuke's door and raising a fist to knock--only for the motion to be diverted once again to his neck.

The Malnosso said the scar was a reminder- and more importantly, not necessarily a reminder for him: what we have given them, we can easily take away. It seems to be doing its job admirably: he has noticed the abrupt increase in Heisuke's attention, the way that the younger man dogged his every move during the draft, always, never ceasing in his vigilance. And yet he and Heisuke haven't talked since they returned. The scar and all it represents is lingering between them, an unspoken subject that neither of them have been able to broach, and could not broach...until now. It might as well be now, while there's a moment of peace.

Sannan knocks crisply three times.]

Toudou-kun?

[This. This will not go well. Heisuke has been so tired from dogging after Yamanami the entire draft and following him around town ever since and just in general from everything that has been going on, that he's not doing well. Being in his room is about the only time he gives himself to sit and think and even then he has to be careful. If Tatsu or Okita or Sano or Shinpachi come by, he has to act normal. Ayumu....it's useless hiding things from her, but the others?

Worst of all, Yamanami.

The knock startles him and he jumps, hitting his knees on his writing table, cursing and rolling over onto his side.]

J-Just a minute!

[CLEANING WHIRLWIND later and he goes over to the door, opening it ever so slightly to peer out.]

................h-hey?

[Sannan sighs as his knock elicits a flurry of activity on the other side of the door.]

Are you alright?

[He tries to peer into Heisuke's room over his shoulder.]

It sounds like you hit something hard...

....Yeah....

[Yeeeaaah, not talking about that. Heisuke glances over his shoulder at the room and then back to Yamanami.]

Hey... There something you need, Yamanami-san? Oh! Should I go get something for you? Need something in town? I could go see if Ayumu-san's gotten the meal ready yet or get some tea.

No, actually, I...

[He looks away.]

I just wanted to talk.

[beat]

About something--about, well...you know, things that have happened recently.

[Talk. Talk. He just wanted to talk. This...was going to be horrible.

Heisuke nods and starts fidgeting, scuffing his foot against the carpet.]

....A'ight.

[...oh good, he didn't run off or slam the door on him. This is a good start.

Sannan exhales.]

Is there...well, I suppose you had good reason to while we were part of the draft, but now, do you--that is...[He smiles weakly.] now that we're back, you don't need to follow me everywhere.

...

[Yes he does. He has to make sure you don't get taken again or get hurt or that people ask after that scar or try to tell you things you shouldn't have to worry about. He has to make sure you're safe, Yamanami. So he has to follow.]

..........But I'm your assistant. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? ...Yanno. Assist?

That's true, but not to the point where it's [He pauses as he tries to think of a word that won't be too offensive, but will accurately convey his feelings on the matter.]...distracting.

.....

[Ouch. Right in the gut. Heisuke looks away, scuffing his foot against the ground again.]

....Sorry.

[hurriedly] No don't--

[He takes a slow breath.]

I'm at fault as well, always making you and the others worry...and I know. I know it's enough that I'm here, but I don't want to...I don't want to become that sort of delicate person who can't stand on his own, least of all to everyone from home.

It's--!! [Not like that. It isn't... But it is. It's not that Heisuke thinks Yamanami is delicate or even incapable of being a leader anymore. He just...

He reaches up and scratches at the chest scar hidden under his clothes, a nervous habit he's developed since the draft.]

....It's not...that. It's...

[Hard to explain and something Heisuke doesn't know how to talk about.]

Sorry. It ain't your fault, Yamanami-san. We're gonna worry no matter what. We're friends and all. S'what friends do.

[He waits quietly as Heisuke fumbles with words. It's reassuring to hear that his assistant doesn't think of him that way (or just won't admit it to his face a small, cynical part of his mind says), but he doesn't want anyone to worry.

It's...still his fault. It's his fault for not saying anything to them- and yet he can't tell them because no one would understand.]

I know. [Sannan smiles faintly.] But you don't need to worry so often. I'll be fine.

[But he does have to worry. Every time he sees that scar, he worries. He remembers that they're all just pretending at being okay again and that it's not really. He remembers that they live in a different house from the others because things are still weird; not in the way that they can even talk about either. It brings back that time between Yamanami committing seppuku and when Heisuke joined the Goryoeiji and it hurts to think about.

He does have to worry and he looks down, still scratching absently at the scar.]

....Yeah, I know...I just...ain't used to this place and all its weirdness yet... I don't know what ta' expect or... [Or how to talk about this. He trails off and scuffs at the floor again.]

[Sannan gives a quiet "ha".] That's understandable; it's only been a few months, after all. [--of borrowed time. He would be dead right now, wouldn't he? If they were still at home.]

Anyway, that was all. [How to end this NOT awkwardly...

...er.]

[Borrowed time for both of them. More time than they should have had and yet they still can't talk to each other eye to eye.]

Oh.

[Awkward.]

Um... Hey, you wanna see a trick I taught Tammy?

[Ah, a diversion. Well-timed.]

...what did you teach her?

[He looks slightly wary because...this is Heisuke.]

Taught her how ta' fetch.

[Sort of.]

She's still, uh, learning. But it's pretty awesome when she gets it right!

[But she's a bird! he wants to say, but...well...]

How often is that?

.....Um, so far?

Twice.

I hope you've retrieved all the items that she didn't return.

............... [Can he not answer that.]

[WAITING PATIENTLY FOR YOUR ANSWER, HEISUKE]

Y-yeah, 'course I did! Ahaha....

[He beams like nothing is wrong.] Ah, that's good. I can just picture certain people's reactions if they were to find things missing...

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